paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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