wat bout pragnant strippers??
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
