i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
