If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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