I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
