just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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