K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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