My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Randomize
