At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
