Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I have post one night stand depression
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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