i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Randomize
