She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
