Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
