I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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