im six kinds of drunk right now
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
