There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
