Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
