I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
