the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
