Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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