I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
