I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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