dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
