Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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