the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
