why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
