peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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