It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
