You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
