hotel room ftw
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
