Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i think i scared a bird with my dick
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
