i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
