A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
