he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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