I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
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