My boss' voice literally gives me gas
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
