he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
