I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
