I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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