he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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