M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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