i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
