I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
