So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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