You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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