We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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