i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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