i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
