Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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