I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
