READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
