I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
