Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
