this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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